The New Year always brings on a rash of new resolutions that are going to make a difference to our lives this year. After all, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different results is the definition of insanity – right?
So we make a resolution to do something different and get the result we want. The only problem is that we can choose, and we can choose not to do the very thing that would make a difference.
Therapists know that people will ultimately choose actions that meet their basic needs. A basic need might be to avoid pain, anxiety, and so these drivers need to be found and addressed before a new behaviour can be chosen, implemented, and maintained. Otherwise the wrong choices are repeated.
So when suggesting a new course of action, for example a new exercise routine, a health professional needs to find out why the person wants to make changes. They usually know why, but may not understand unconscious blocks to that change. No need to go deep here, but just ask them to think about why they may be avoiding something which would be beneficial for them. It’s important to find out what they have been doing that has been unsuccessful, to judge their own behaviour, and to learn that they are the only ones who can control and change their behaviour.
Then they need to have some help in making a new workable plan, and to understand the concept of commitment to that plan. Because most people who consistently fail are used to controlling their world with ineffective behaviour they will resist change, consciously or unconsciously. Consciously, they will begin to make excuses and avoid the new plan, even though they have agreed to it. So change can be frustratingly slow, or not happen at all.
However once a goal is worked out, the health professional must learn to ask precise and specific questions as to how the person plans to undertake the changes and stick to them so that they can reach their goal.
For example, questions like:
How will you create the time to do this exercise?
Which day/s would be suitable?
When/what time will you do it?
How long will the exercise sessions be?
Where will you exercise? In a gym or at home or with a friend?
This helps the client get a crystal clear idea of how the new plan will work, and how
this thinking can help in reaching and maintaining a goal.
Another question:
What internal things could stop or block you from doing this exercise program?
(They may be too self-conscious to attend a gym)
What external things could stop or block you from doing this exercise program?
(They may have a chaotic family schedule)
If you fail to do this, then what will you do?
That is, has the client got a plan B or will the exercise fall in a heap for that day/week?
Accept no excuses, and no rambling explanations as to why things didn’t work out. Ask them can they see that the world is not at fault, but more likely it’s his/her ineffective way of dealing with the world that is the problem, and this is why things haven’t worked out in the past. No need to be judgemental or critical, but get them to judge their own behaviours and situation.
Avoid telling them what to do, but ask questions and pin them down so that the action plan and commitment is theirs. Together you can create a structure for them to hang their own plan on.
This method may seem different, and perhaps some questions can be left out, but the key objective is to help the client to have a thorough way of working out a clear picture to reach his/her goals rather than to remain vague, uncommitted and with a situation that is easily opted out of.
© Kathleen Crawford 2017.